Six

This girl.

This one, the loving and thoughtful and fierce one, the one with magic in her eyes, with so many opinions and so much love to give-- she is six.

I look at her and I can't get over her long legs and her clear words and her insights about the world because she is the baby around here.  My tiny one.  The little bit of wiggle who came into our lives, one day early and kicking the whole way, six years ago this evening.

I look at her and I remember the feel of tucking her against my side to nurse in the hospital bed, the way she curled in, so small and soft and like she was created just to fill that little nook, how we would both fall asleep so fast, nestled in to one another.

I look at her and I see the little fiesty six month old who never held still for pictures and who laughed so hard, nose scrinched up, at her brother's antics.  I see the 11 month old holding her grandpa's finger to walk and walk and walk her around, eyes twinkling up at him in adoration.  I see the one-year-old patting her white-blond curls in anticipation of compliments from strangers, the 18 month old loving on her baby dolls, the 2 year old fearlessly climbing the preschool playground, the 3 year old taking charge in games of "family", the 4 year old acting out intense dramas with her stuffed animals in the backseat, the 5 year old sitting so tall at a piano bench, resiliently playing that one piece for weeks until she had it memorized.

I look at her and I see those fleeting moments and a part of my heart longs to have my little one back...But could I trade them for this 6 year old?  This tall one who made me more than 10 Mother's Day cards (and then made some for Daddy and Jack too, so they wouldn't feel left out...)  This tender one, scared of ants and shy around strangers, who ruled her princess party with regal confidence and spoke in front of the school at an assembly this spring.  This tenacious one who asks questions when she doesn't understand, who speaks so precisely, who knows exactly what she wants-- but whose hand is still so little when it reaches for mine.

I want to hold on to her in this moment, suspended between little and big, with her sweet-smelling hair and her light-freckled nose, her messy hair and soft belly, her missing teeth and her earnest singing voice and her hard hugs and her bright eyes.  Perfect girl of my heart.

Happy Birthday, sweet one.  I am so glad you are mine.


(Princess Party post coming soon....)