Cold days and warm hearts

This week:  An abundance of snow and an abundance of friendship in equal measure.  We have settled in to winter, becoming accustomed to the white vistas and snow-covered roads and filling up the cold days with a different activity every night. It is hard to believe that we are approaching the end of January already, but the sunlight that lingers a little later every day is a bittersweet reminder that 2015 is flying by already.  Reveling in the wintry wonder of our community, our children, and our family and friends this week...

 There seems to be a whole lot of magic that happens in those hours between Jack's school dismissal and when I finally get home.  I am envious of Nat, that he gets to fetch these smiling beings home from their busy days, feed them snacks, take them to play and sled at the park.  I get to romanticize those hours, you know, because I can't be there.  It must all be perfection, if one is to judge from the pictures Nat shares with me...

Most of the time I am happy to be a working mom.  I know I do better when I have some deadlines, and places to be.  And despite all the fun and excitement in the world of public education this year, I do love what I do and I am grateful to have my job....

But!  I really do wish I could get home in time for after school sledding...

this playground equipment used to seem a lot bigger...

As it is-- I just have to fit a week's worth of magic into each weekend.  Mission accomplished last Saturday...


Highlight: Our first time snow tubing,  with the Hiram Alumni group.
We talked Melinda and Tiffany into bringing their families too, and we joined forces with 230 other Hiram families to enjoy an afternoon of schlepping and sliding through the snow.

 It was terrific fun.

It was grand to share the fun with these people.  Our Hiram past, our families now, all tied together just like a flotilla of snow tubes.  A perfect blend. 

 We were having such fun we might have stayed right through til closing if we hadn't been quite exhausted by 5:30 and if I didn't have to run off immediately to my next engagement-- more wonderful time with amazing friends as the "Mama Speakeasy" crowd headed out for Korean Food together.

We celebrated a year of our monthly gatherings with many toasts of plum wine.  I am so grateful to have been pulled into this group of women.  Amazing mamas, devotees of the Heights, brilliant and talented every one of them.  And kind!  And loving!  And hilarious!  We had too much fun and ate too much food and stayed up too late at Kat's house.  I feel young and vibrant and included and important and inspired with these new friends of mine.  How lucky am I?

Sunday-- a trip to the gym, coffee with an old friend, brunch to celebrate my baby sister's 24th (!) birthday, house cleaning, and a cozy, energizing tea with the dinner swap crew....

A weekend done right.

If only weekends like this one came with a recovery day.  Alas.  This week has been a mad rush of 5am wakeups, jam-packed prepare-for-the-tests-quick! school days, and busy evenings.  Good-busy, the best kind of busy, full of learning and exercise and friendship and family time.  But busy nonetheless.

Our weekly after-school schedule in brief for you:  Monday evening, piano lessons.  Tuesday evening, Lakewood for dinner with my mom and choir rehearsal.  Wednesday: swimming at the JCC followed by attending a forum at CH High School on the state of public schools and testing.  Thursday: our traditional "gymnastics and fast food" date with friends.  Friday:  Dinner with M and W (a calm respite in the storm...)

This is the norm for us this winter, it seems.  Never a dull moment.

In the midst of it all, we do manage to sneak in some moments of calm and connection, Nat and I.  One of my favorite stolen moments-- our Tuesday afternoon walks at Lakewood Park.  Drifted snow?  Icy paths?  Twenty degree temperature?  Lakeshore winds?  They don't bother us!  We've been wandering the park with a blissful spaniel in tow each week and it is so very very good.

There is this view.  And my husband.  And a sense, for those few moments, of the expansiveness of time, limitless possibilities spread out before us like the lake horizon.

Tonight, I am looking forward to a weekend of calm and connection and expansive time for all of us.

Or at least, more snow and friendship. 

Hair

There's a lot of hair in our house.

It's not surprising.  Nat and I were known as the "Big Hair" couple at Hiram. There was speculation about our potential offspring even then, wondering if the ensuing hair might just take over the world. 

Jack for one has inherited his father's fertile follicles, his fine, preppy-cut baby hair fully changed now into a thick, wiry head of hair with a mind of its own.  It takes little to convince the hair on the crown of his head to stand up, and luckily he is patient with my hands that are forever trying to smooth it back down, and push his part off to the side, the way I've loved it since he was 12 months old.   Neither he nor his father wear their hair long right now, and I think that's a good thing.  It really might take over the world.  Or the bathroom drains at least.

Ivy has been growing her hair out, very intentionally, for about forever now.  Seriously.  She decided she wanted to be like her preschool teacher.  Her 3 year old preschool teacher.  A full year later and she's got it to her shoulders.  She's inherited my hair, wavy but fine, and slow to grow.  Poor girl.  She's been known to wistfully say how much she really loves haircuts.  Sigh.  Her impossibly white locks are darkening a little these days but are still a conversation piece.  She likes to wear her hair "street urchin style," uncombed and shaggy over her face like a little tow-headed Cousin It. I am forever trying to get her to keep a clip in it.

My hair?  While I've been ignoring it, it's been growing, slowly, into an unruly mop.  Every now and then I spot a white hair in the crowd, and quickly pluck it out.  But even with the white banished, I'm not loving my hair right now.  Certain important family members tell me they like my hair long-- but me?   By 3pm each day I'm ready for my hair to be pulled back and forgotten.  I rue the boredom of it. I think, maybe, I just really love haircuts too.  

Hair is kind of a thing, it turns out. 

We spend rather an inordinate amount of time on our hair, washing and drying and brushing and styling and cutting, pushing it back from faces, out of our eyes, smoothing wayward locks, twirling it around fingers, admiring and fretting and thinking about it constantly.  It seems that, at least in our family, these collections of dead cells are vital to my self image.  Not only my hair but the hair of those I love.  It is a shiny, changeable,  high-maintenance reflection of my worth, and its on my mind, consciously or not, every day.

But more so this week.  Because it's getting on near February and that means March is near.  St Patrick's Day, of course.  But St. Baldrick's Day, too.  Never heard of St. Baldrick's?  Neither had I, before last year.  Before I learned more about it than I really wanted to.

St. Baldrick's is a charity that raises money for childhood cancer research.  Every year around St. Patrick's day, brave and caring people shave their heads, go bald, to raise awareness about childhood cancer and to show solidarity with the children fighting it.  

Last year, Rebecca Meyer's sister Caroline shaved her head in honor of her sister.  It was this totally amazing, moving event.  A whole troupe of 4th and 5th graders shaved their heads, all for one.  All for one little spark of a girl.  There were smiles and tears and hope in the eyes of the shavees that day.

Rebecca didn't shave her head that day.  She still had all of her hair, the effects of chemo only barely thinning her wonderful mess of curls.  In the pictures you'd never know she was the girl with brain cancer.  Five year old spark of life.  

She never lost her hair. She didn't have the time.  Beautiful to the last, her dark curls are seared into my memories of her.  Wild hair always in motion, like the girl herself.  

I can't believe its almost St. Baldrick's time again.  I can't believe how time is moving on and how many months it has been since my friend has smoothed her daughter's curls, pushed them out of her face, considered a haircut for her.  How it's been even longer since she was able to take hair for granted.

I am thinking about that so hard right now.  I am thinking about how struggling to get Ivy to sit still for a French braid last weekend, and I am thinking about my friend and the hair she is not braiding.

Here's the deal.  The real reason I am writing tonight.  The honest truth.  Most days I think much, much more about hair than I think about Rebecca.  I'm a "move on" sort of person.  When something is uncomfortable, I like to get it over with as soon as possible, and then, just move on.  Put it behind me.  Go back to seeking comfort and ease, chasing the art of living in the now.  Banishing unpleasant thoughts in favor of just about anything else.   

Then yesterday in my Facebook feed the St. Baldrick's share photos began to pop up.  Reminding me.  I am always filled with admiration for people with the nerve to do something like shaving their heads.  Last year, a good friend of mine-- who didn't even know the Meyer family! -- joined a St. Baldrick's event and raised money and shaved her head just because she's a totally awesome person.  Unafraid and generous to a fault.  I see the face of a stranger who is doing this great thing and I think just that-- here is a great, generous person.  They are awesome.

But a few photos yesterday were different.  They were the faces of two little girls I know.  Two 6 year olds. Two of Rebecca's best friends.  These are first graders, people.  Little tiny girls.  Imaginative light-filled creatures who dress as Elsa and dance and wear their long, long hair in braids and pony tails and even "street urchin style" from time to time.  On March 15 they will shave their heads in honor of their friend who isn't here anymore.

And what I am feeling is more than admiration.  

I am humbled by these children.  Awed.  They are fearless and generous and they are taking action.  They are facing loss head on and doing something about it. They are showing me how its done.

Me, here in my comfortable life, agonizing over whether it's time for a new hairstyle, why Ivy won't keep a clip in, if Jack's hair looks presentable.  

I didn't even consider shaving my head. 

I didn't even think about it.

And now that I am thinking about it (thinking about it hard) my mind is full of a thousand reasons why I couldn't/shouldn't/can't/won't do it.  I won't list those reasons here.  Not an original or impressive reason among them.  Yet they are enough to keep me from it.  Because tonight I am looking in at myself and behind my good intentions I find I am not fearless, nor nearly as generous as I would pretend to be.  

In fact, I think I am terribly afraid, and more than a little bit selfish.  

There is a lot of hair in my house.  And I just want to keep it that way.  Stay far far away from an event that will do nothing but make me think of little children dying of cancer.  The last thing I want to think about.   I want to move on from that, please.

But then, I think of my friend who is not busy taming her daughter's curls tonight.  I think of brave little girls who stand with their friend, even beyond death. And I think-- I need to keep thinking about this.

In the meantime, here are the links to Ruth and Elizabeth's fundraising pages.  While we think, we can at least give.  In memory.  In hope.  

January normal (or, "Our Attempt to be Wholesome for a Whole Week")

This week has found us blessed with an ordinary life.  Our daily routine has settled in after all the madness of holidays and houseguests.  Nat began his semester this week and our weekdays are once again fully booked.  In the moments between work and school, piano and choir and gymnastics, I've been making a valiant attempt to be aware and present and create a wholesome, clean, healthy environment for my family.  I'm going to show you the highlights here.  

Note:  I did not photograph the trips to McDonald's, the copious amounts of time my son played Minecraft, or the high number of meltdowns my tempermental daughter had this week.  Just so you know. 

Fun with Cardboard! 

 A new washing machine in December and a new dishwasher this  past weekend means not only a more hygienic household :)  but also a lot of large boxes. 

Here are the kids on a particularly wholesome evening, building a city for their hotwheels after helping to make homemade chicken nuggets for dinner.

Every once in a while I feel like I'm doing it right.

Of course, shortly after this photo was taken, both children were in their rooms in tears because of an altercation involving a nest of cardboard bricks and pretend eggs.

Weekday evenings.  They're so great...

Anyways...

Snowy weather...

Despite the thaw that arrive this morning...this week!  the snow!  

It's been my favorite kind of winter.  Cold but not too cold, a lovely blanket of white, just enough fresh fall each day to keep the branches and rooftops dusted with white but not enough to cover the roads.  Glorious sunrises on the way to work, pinks and lavenders shining through the bare trees.  The days are getting long enough to enjoy again..

Yesterday the kids and I had a "screen -free" morning, while Nat was off replacing toilets in Bedford.  (I'm really trying here with the wholesomeness thing).  By ten a.m. I wasn't sure that I had the better deal..  So I took the kids to the park.  We thought we might build a snow fort but the temperatures were still a bit too low...

Snowballs worked fine, though!

As did the "dens" we found in the little woods, where Ivy happily pretended to be a lion (yes, she's wearing  lion mask...) and Jack created a snowball stash.

Corydon bounced and barked with joy and we played together for almost an hour there in the field, nothing to entertain us but snow and bare branches and these awesome giant hollow stalks of something, which made terrific magic wands/ swords for a while..

Today:  Art museum!  Can't beat this place.  We had such fun in the play room today, actually getting down on the floor and building with the kids, who were totally engaged in their creations and their time with us.

Ivy and I adventured up to Gallery 301, her favorite place, where I got to recount the stories of David and Goliath, Andromeda, and the martyrdom of St. Joseph for her.  Ever notice that most sculptures seem to be of horrible, gory events that really aren't appropriate for 4 year old ears??

Cookies and coffee in the atrium to make the day last a little longer, and then we headed home to recharge before attending Bread and Soup, an annual tradition at the home of some friends.
Nat and I were so inspired by the joy of simple play at the Art museum that we spent our hour cleaning and culling in our playroom.  We weren't able to enlarge it to the size of a small house or raise the ceilings to the soaring 15 feet of spaciousness we enjoyed at the museum, but I think we made some real headway.    We have great plans to rotate in a variety of simple, wholesome, inspiring toys to use in the newly open floor space.

Who knows, it might even work this time...!

I mean, we even made homemade chicken nuggets again tonight!  Its a whole(some) new year, baby...

New years go fast...

Eleven days into 2015 and what a ride its been so far!  We've ushered in the new year with houseguests, parties, snow days... snuggling in with friends and family and eating lots and lots of good food.  Time is flying by already this year, in a blur of dishes and laughter and it has been quite lovely really.  If a bit hard to keep up with. 

New Year's Eve day brought a visit to the Historical Society...

Thanks, Gram, for our membership!!

... and the destruction of the first of the vacant houses across the street.  Quite dramatic really-- out with the old, in with the new....  Nat spent every spare moment out watching and filming the excitement. Hard to believe its really gone.  

Later that day: Rockin' New Kids Eve... the tradition continues!  Melinda, as always, hosted a great party.  Kids played, adults ate lots of hors d'oeuvres, there were disco lights and glow sticks and even silly string. I remember back when it was New Toddler's Eve.  Toddlers no more, these giant children who play so well together, our extended Hiram family continuing on into the next generation...

Ivy and Jeffrey are too cute together...

Ivy is a fan of baby Maya!

Melinda even had party games organzied for us this year.  She is a amazing.  

It was a pretty rough party.  That sparkling cider, I tell ya!

We had the Perry boys spend the night after party number one, and Tiffany volunteered to stay home with the crew while the rest of us went to an actual New Year's Eve party, like real grown ups!  We ate more yummy food, got to see a friend's new house for the first time, saw people we haven't seen in years.  It brought back memories of this time in our lives, before kids, when staying out til 2 was no big thing...

Tina and Cassidy/

The Fisher brothers.

Kate and Marlee

Scott and jen!

New Year's Day... leisurely breakfast with friends, then a trip to a windy, cold lake.  Got to start off the year right, if the way you spend New Year's foretells the rest of the year... 

As we were about to leave, we had the unique experience of feeding a flock of seagulls, who gathered and balanced on the wind to take pieces of bread from our hands...

Jen moved in at our place on the 2nd and it was so wonderful to have my friend here, in and out but always around, almost able to take her for granted.  There are people in the world who never leave you, even when they aren't around, with whom you can slip back into friendship, easy as can be, picking up where you left off no matter how long ago.  Jen is one of those.  I just love her.

Fake Christmas Morning this year was one of the best eve, I think.  Jen with us,  Donna in town, Tony bringing his wonderful new lady friend and her kids... old friends, new friends, the best friends.  Our children running about and playing video games and being good as gold together while the conversation lingered over coffee and casseroles.  Most of the guests headed home around 2 but a core group stayed to drink more coffee, and Will and Nat spent several hours underneath our new table, and we researched the it's history from an old, disintegrating label, and Jen created soup and salad out of thin air and the remnants of food in our pantry and the after-party went on til 9pm.  

A fine way to spend a Saturday indeed...

Back to the real world on Monday, work and snow and cold all at once.  But the week maintained a bit of a vacation feel, with a weeknight trip to the art museum, and Jen around to keep us up too late watching strange animated movies.  Did I mention I love her?

Then, on Thursday... a snow day!  A cold day, actually, but a gift nonetheless. Time!  Time to sleep in, go to the gym, and have a date with my daughter at the museum, all before lunch.  Then, time to visit the City Greenhouse with a collection of favorite people.   And still  beyond that, time for dinner out at our favorite Thai restaurant, just the "girls", food and tea and laughter and just like that, 20 years erased and we were nineteen again and did I mention I love having Jen here?

This weekend has brought snow and cold-- and time for snuggles and sledding and Soup, too.  

These past few weeks have been so deliciously full of friends; I am surrounded and suffused with the love of all these remarkable people in my life.  How did I get so lucky?? I have to admit, though, that I am rather enjoying the quiet solitude of tonight, too.  

The world outside is blanketed with snow, a soft glow of white shining in.  The quiet interlude of January, now.  Time to breathe this New Year in...