Festival-errific

 September.  Jam packed with festivals and full of warmth and sunshine, it's the new summer vacation.  Except we have to fit all of that fun into just two days a week, which is just not fair.
The result: We've been extremely busy with all sorts of goodness, and I am existing in a state somewhere between happy and completely overwhelmed.

There is just this little, tiny part of me that is looking forward to dark evening and cold,dreary weather, just so we can stay home and do nothing for like, 5 minutes.

But just a tiny part.

Here are some pictures of our busy week of festival fun..

A week ago Sunday:  

Woofstock!!  Now that Canine Fun Days appears to be on semi-permanent hiatus, this festival moves into the top 5 for sure.  SO many dogs!  All so awesome! Affirmation everywhere!  This year's trip was brief as we were toting a sick boy along.  But he was a trouper and we stayed long enough for Corydon to get a stencil and a lot of love, and not long enough to see if she can still do the agility course...  

 A rest at home then-- Chalk Festival!

We really love the chalk festival.

Even if our art was pretty random and strange this year...

 We ran into friends...

 And enjoyed a magnificent day with a lot of other people in a pretty place with live music.

 Can't get much better than that!

 Monday-- an exciting and interesting evening for me as I participated in the ESSA Stakeholder's forum for our region, as a member of the Heights Coalition for Public Education.  What a great opportunity. I sat at a table with the leaders of the Hershey and Jennings Foundations--both cool and intimidating! But I think I held my own in the discussions, and presented cogent arguments that others agreed with.  I was a puddle of nervous sweat by the end of the evening but what's a little sweat among random strangers and really impressive people?
Who knows if anything will actually come of all of our input, but it was empowering to at least be a part of the process as  our state grapples with the implementation of this new law...

 Wednesday:  Ballet for Ivy!  An independent big girl at ballet means time for mommy to sneak out for a walk in the woods...

... and back in time for a sneak peek at all the cuteness...

 Someone is very happy to be back to her favorite sport!

 Thursday:  Nat had class so the kids and I took on Legacy Village.  It has been so long since we've been there!  We were completely surprised to find a new parking garage and hotel in the back! Most of the place was about the same...just with bigger kids making everything seem smaller...
So many memories of bringing little tiny ones here, with our friends.  Our little troupe racing down the sidewalks, playing tag on the green, climbing the railings...

The more things change...

 Spent a good part of the evening lost in nostalgia for those days of chasing tiny ones... even as I enjoyed conversation with my oh-so-independent big kids...

Time marches on.... I let our evening stretch late so I could linger a bit longer in the memories infused in this place.... Paid the price for nostalgia, of course, in the form of overtired children, homework battles, and a terrible bedtime routine.  But it was worth it.

Friday:  We spent the evening with friends Fiona and Jim, treating ourselves to our favorite take-out before taking in the sights at the MOCA Fall season opening party.

 Out on the town, baby.

 Why yes we DID take our kids out at 8pm to a party at a museum.

 It was great.

 Who needs bedtime when you have straw crafting?

 And weaving!

 And lots of strange carpets and  a really really weird installation made up of lots of rooms painted  black with these textured, heated cone things all over ....

Modern art!  I hate it so much I love it.

Saturday-- Soccer!

This one LOVES playing goalie.  She's only a little terrible at it. But unfazed!

 A perfect day for it. Our weather got the memo that the season has changed and while we were certainly not COLD, at least Jack did not get heat exhaustion.

A 2-1 day for Jack, who played hard and was a strong member of his team.  I love watching him play.  So deliberate.  Full of concentration.  And coordination!  Amazing!

 Saturday night: We got to be a part of a genuine "Surprise party" complete with hiding and jumping out and yelling surprise!  Kids were super psyched about that.  And about spending the evening with some good friends, too.

Sunday:  The day could not have been nicer out, and we enjoyed it thoroughly at Yankee Peddler.  A trip down memory lane for me, after so many fun trips there with my mom...

 The kids were entranced by the demonstrations and, of course, the booths of colonial merchandise.  Jack is already planning on saving money all summer next year, so he can spend it all at the fur-trader booth...

 The petting zoo was also a favorite...

 And, the puppet show.  Punch and Judy never fails to amuse.  The girls are thoroughly enjoying their first exposure...

 While the clog dancing was not as hilarious as I remember, it WAS festive...

... and our little trio got in on the action!

 A wonderful end to the weekend, indeed.

Beauty (or, on the edge)

 It's September 16th but you wouldn't know it in Cleveland.  82 degrees of sunshine bliss this evening, so we went to the lake.

The off-season beach was perfect.  The water was warm.   Calm, happy Clevelanders swimming and barbecuing all over the place like its still summertime around here.

Might as well be. We're still dressing in tank tops and sandals, after all...

 One gorgeous view just wasn't enough for us, so we took in sunset at North Coast Harbor, where the marina and patio restaurants and volleyball courts were a picture of summery fun.

One big, endless summer-- and and I am holding on to all the beauty of it, as hard as I can.

 Here on the edge of autumn, my feet are firmly stuck in summertime.

I've been reading a bit of Brene Brown's work Courage and she talks of a concept called Foreboding Joy.  Its not really a positive thing (as would make sense, what with the foreboding)... its the idea that we tend, in moments of happiness, to focus on the idea that it all could end, catastrophically, at any moment.  The idea that it will end, and indeed we deserve it to end, because so much joy just can't be possible, can't last.

I am finding myself foreboding joy tonight.

Floating in this transitional season, this fall-not-fall, barefoot in the sand after full week of work... I feel like I am in a liminal moment in my life as a whole.  On the edge of change but not there yet.

And standing here in the sand and the waves and the endless summer-- there is so much beauty in my life right now that I feel it can't last.

The season will turn and time will pass and the children will grow and I will continue inexorably on this path of getting older and the thing is-- when everything is so good right now... I'd just rather not change it.

Here I am, staring down the nose of 40.  I'm not that concerned with turning 40.  Except that really I am.  I am not loving the various twinges of aging I've started to feel.  I've a tendency towards vanity and it turns out that wrinkles and general sagginess aren't really helping things out for me.  I know that there is supposed to be some mythical attainment of wisdom and contentment out there for me in the next decade of my life, and so that's something to look forward to.  I'd just rather not attain all those good things while simultaneously getting older, you know?

And in the meantime my dog is getting old, too.  It hurts my heart to see her in pain from arthritis and full of anxiety and confusion. My puppy, light of my life.  Time goes too fast for dogs.  I'd like to stop time right now for my Cory girl...

And in the meantime my sweet babies have become for-real kids, lanky and long and full of attitude and emotions and independent desires.  And I am missing their littleness painfully even as I love their newfound independence.  And I am fully in love with who they are now even as I worry about who they will become.  Big kids, big worries. Are we doing this right?  I mean, they will REMEMBER things now.  These are prime years for emotional scarring!  And what will I DO with them when they are (even more) angsty teenagers?  And HOW will we get them to eat and not fight.  And I want to be fully present for era of their lives even as I want to stop time, maybe even rewind a bit, to a less complicated moment in parenting...

And in the meantime life keeps getting more expensive and more frantic and more full and our resources of time and money don't seen to grow at the same rate.  And I worry about how we'll keep up financially and how we'll save for retirement and good god what about college for our not-so-little ones?  How exorbitant will tuition be in ten years and what in the world will we do to make sure their lives continue to unfold to the fullest?  Right now, in this moment, on the edge of summer with our still-kind-of-little ones, we are doing alright.  We are doing all the things and making a few ends meet.  We just need a holding pattern for a while to keep it that way...

Here on the edge of change-- the change of futures yet to come-- my foreboding joy is manifesting as wild dreams of moving off the grid, starting a hobby goat farm, radical downsizing, rehabbing foreclosed homes... and by fits of temper about cracked plaster and dirty floors and the overwhelming mundanity of daily life.  "Anywhere but here" fantasies to transport me away from worries over the future.

I mean, if I choose the change, then I am in control, right? Instead of waiting with bated breath to see what changes the world will throw at me, I could just change everything on my own.

There is a lot that is appealing about that idea.

Especially that idea about the goat farm, because I really love goats.

But on nights like tonight-- I wouldn't change a thing. 

How could I?    Instead, I will honor my fears and then put them aside.  I will refuse to forbode joy.  I will face the future with courage and trust it to unfold before me graciously.  I will trust myself to grow and change along with it.

And-- I will also keep holding on to summertime, for as long as I can.

Night on the town

This evening we  continued our tradition of wandering on Wade Oval.  Exquisite weather with just a touch of chill to the air.  We ambled to the Art museum, then across to the Gardens.  Two of my favorite places, hands down.  A gentle yellow light and soft sunset falling over the Oval, russet gold in the sky to one side and a glowing full moon rising to the other.  Unhurried play, two happy kids, the world aglow with flowers and art and late summer goodness.

A few of my favorite moments from the night:

Playing with the "virtual potter's wheel" in the Studio Play area, and how much fun the kids had when we discovered that all three of us could "form" the "clay" at the same time. Ivy making a collage and then acting out a family with the figures she'd selected.

Climbing on the seed sculptures-- Ivy getting herself all wrapped around and balance on  a high bar before saying, calmly, "I'm not sure this is safe?"  I asked her, "well, how do you feel?"  Arms and legs clinging tight, she thought for a moment and reported, "I think I'm ok.  I might be a little scared"-- and then she shimmied on down, like nobody's business.

Playing hide and seek in the children's garden-- we were just there a few minutes but the magic of the place worked fast and the kids were instantly ready to play and explore.  Watching fish, wandering in the quiet.  And-- tomatoes from the vine as a treat for being the last ones in the garden!

The beautiful young people gathered and  playing and flirting and laughing at the Garden happy hour-- all of them so gorgeous and full of excitement.  Remembering how we were those gathered young people, with our friends, not so long ago.  Yet-- a lifetime ago.  Or-- two lifetimes... as we watched our little ones run ahead.  And feeling so absolutely content to be at this place in my life instead of the one before.

In the glasshouse-- so many butterflies, whipping about!  We were bombarded, with several butterflies alighting on each of us.  We exclaimed, and laughed, eyes wide.  Jack, all wide smile and twinkling eyes, saying, "It's ok mom, I had a fright, too!"  What nine year old talks like that???? Mine, that's who.  I could not love him more.

Tonight, I am grateful for these moments to laugh with my children, be in love with my city, and soak up the joy of a September day.


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Other events of note this week:

A great half marathon on Sunday.  Really-- it was great! Such perfect weather, such a nice fast course.  I felt like I really pushed myself and I was so excited to be under my goal time by 4 minutes! A PR is a nice way to start the week.  Also pleasing-- wasn't really that sore!

Had a great lunch out with mom at the Wine Bar in Rocky River (so many dogs on the patio!  Such fun!) and then joined the fam at the NeoCycle festival at Edgewater.  Soaked up the gorgeous day so well that I got myself a sunburn.

I  do love this festival.  It is the most laidback event-- and always full of quality swag.  Plus, you can't beat the location.  Or the randomness of an intense cyclo-cross race weaving all around you.

And-- Tuesday:  First "real" riding lessons.  The kids did great!  Jack had this huge grin on his face the whole time. He rode Secrecy and I think he really enjoyed being on the "big horse".  He was so very proud and looked so confident out there.  He took criticism in stride, tried his best on every task Dayan gave him.. who is this child??  Becca would say its just the magic of horses at work...  And Ivy?  She loved every minute too.  She rode Lacey, who was in a slow-moving mood.  So we got to hear lots and lots of Ivy's emphatic "Walk" with her little legs winging out to give Lacey a kick.  And her stern "Whoa!" with an Ivy-fierce yank on the reins... oh my!  That poor pony did not know what she was getting into.  Watching the kids curry their horses after the lesson-- I could see the good riding will do them, manifesting in their contented and tired little faces.  Wish we could be there every day but twice a month will have to suffice for now....

Ivy really loved trotting!