Changling

Over the past week, Jack has changed considerably. Not in his appearance-- he's still got the same charming flirt-smile, same blue eyes, same giant belly. Rather, he's changed in his motivations. He now WANTS to move. This is a strange concept to us as we look at our little one who, a few days ago, could still be classified as both "sedentary" and "content". Plop him on his bottom somewhere and there he'd happily be a half hour later. no toys in reach? no problem. He'd just play with his hands or the buckle on his overalls. As he's been sitting independently for over 3 months now, we'd gotten pretty used to this state of affairs. Not to say that I was comfortable with it-- you know the constant concern I've felt over Jack's lack of mobility, as we hear tales from all his BZ friends of scooting, crawling, pulling to stand...

But this week! No, he's not crawling yet, or even making any forward movement. But he is constantly trying to get out of our arms, reaching and arching out to try and explore the world. We plop him down on his bottom and he starts leaning forward, getting up on one knee and the foot that's still trapped under his belly, sitting back up, leaning the other way... On his tummy, he immediately starts pushing backwards, which he can do with surprising speed and no accuracy at all-- invariably getting himself stuck on something. He's not always happy as he engages in these acrobatics. He appears to have a conflict of interests: he wants so much to mve, but he can't quite figure out how, so in the meantime its really not all that fun to be on his belly, stuck. But, he is certainly trying to figure it out. A big change!

In other news, Jack has slept for a 9-10 hour stretch 2 times this week. I could get used to this.

We are also planning on leaving Jack with someone else (OK, with Melinda and Will so it's only barely "someone else") at bedtime for the first time, to go to the West Shore Chorale benefit. I am sure he'll have a fine time but I am hoping I'll be alright with the fact that someone else will put him to bed. This will be the first time that someone other than me has put him down for the night. It is a melancholy thought even as it is liberating...

This train of thought makes me realize-- I have spent a lot of time recently detailing Jack's life and progress, but not so much my own progress and thoughts as a mom. The other day I found myself really thinking about how far through this "first year" we've come. How everyone was right, about how it goes so fast, even though we never beleived them back when the Jackster was small and exhausting, back when the days and nights seemed excruciatingly long and we were sure it would be like that forever... now here we are at 8 and a half months. In 3 months we'll be weaning him to cow's milk during the day, and then graduting from Baby and Me group. I feel like I am fast approaching the end of a chapter in my life as a mom. My identity as a mom thus far has been strongly influenced-- nigh, formed-- by my almost obsessive participation in breastfeeding group and baby group when I can attend. But now my baby is growing up and I won't be exclusively breastfeeding anymore and I feel like because of this I won't be quite the same person. I'll have to adjust my focus and my perception of myself as a mom...

I know there will be other chapters, each with their own excitement-- but it feels like we've just gotten the hang of this one. And I like taking my round and cute little baby to groups, being a role-model to new breastfeeding moms, a proponent of nursing in public... it will be sad to move on from this stage.