Day 16: NOT April Fool's

April Fool's Day has never really been one of my favorite holidays.  I don't do well with teasing and pranks just feel mean to me.  But this year?  Totally boycotting it because there is nothing I, or anyone else, could come up with to beat the prank the universe seems to be playing on all of us. It seems cruel to play any more tricks on anyone.

On Day 16 America has over 200,000 confirmed Covid-19 cases.  Ohio is in the 600's with 65 deaths.  Our dynamic leadership duo of governor Mike Dewine and Dr. Amy Acton have been recognized on the BBC as setting the standard for pandemic response in the US.  The Cleveland Clinic, OSU, and Columbus-based Batelle are making daily strides in testing and research.  In the world of silver linings-- hey, at least its a GOOD thing to be in Ohio for once! Our somewhat-flattened curve of infections here is great news, but also (exactly as it should) it is pushing the peak later and later.  Schools have been officially closed until at least May 1st, and today there was talk of Shelter in Place extending into June.  The time has come to cancel our plane tickets for Denver and our National Park odyssey.  I haven't done it yet because I just can't handle the loss of yet one more thing I was looking forward to...

Disappointment aside, we are fine.   Yes, the kids argued nonstop for 65% of their waking hours the last three days.  Yes, the feelings are huge and close to the surface all the time, for all of us... and the month of April looms long before us.  But we are so very lucky to be employed, insured, and able to stay home together.  So many of my friends are essential workers, and have to report to work-- and possible exposure- every day in addition to schooling their children and generally managing life-in-chaos.  They are my heros.  And so many people are struggling to pay their bills, dealing with food insecurity or housing instability or domestic violence or addiction, the struggles of their lives exacerbated by this disease.  It has been hard to be a sensitive person for the past 3 1/2 years, watching the world burn.  It's becoming unbearable now.  I'm coping by keeping busy with little projects and lots of cleaning, frittering the day away with frequent breaks to scroll through Facebook.  Since Monday, I've had the added distraction of trying to help Jack and Ivy manage their (rather overwhelming) virtual schoolwork as we return to "school" after our so called "spring break." To tell the truth, I've found myself glad to be "back to work," such as it is.  The challenge of designing lessons and learning new technology and managing the online learning environment and my usual teaching paperwork has been a nice distraction.  My "office hours" mean I get two uninterrupted hours up at the desk in the spare room, immersed in small, check-off-able tasks and feeling like a productive person.  Almost like normal life.

So much of life still does feel so ... normal.  A little edgier than usual, perhaps, with a lot more screen time and a flexible schedule... but still, two weeks in to our "quarantine" this worldwide calamity has yet to really feel real.  The power is on, we've got water and food.  There's absolutely no rioting or chaos in the streets.  The world is calm and so much of life is just rolling along.  People coming and going, families out walking and enjoying the sunshine, spring flowers bursting forth right on schedule.  We picked up an order of Easter candy and gifts from Target and popped into Aldi too, and the shelves were fully stocked and everyone was gentle and friendly and keeping their distance and shopping was, dare I say, pleasant?  On our way home we walked around the Wade Oval Lagoon and the day was so very brilliant, crystalline and shining and full of life and light... We duly wiped down all the packaging on our products and scrubbed our hands upon our return... but its kind of difficult to keep up our anti-infection vigilance when life feels so normal and lovely!   We are existing in this strange limbo, full of waiting and anxiety and also moments of joy...  Is it ok to feel joy when so many people are hurting?  Is it ok to have a nice afternoon when people are dying so fast they need refigerated trucks for the bodies?  Is it ok to be angry and frustrated with my chidren and their feelings when I am so very very lucky they are with me, and healthy, and safe?  Navigating ambiguity is not my strong suit.  I am rudderless...

Meanwhile.  We decorate for Easter!  We take nice walks!  We cook three meals a day and do all the dishes that come with it!  We Zoom with friends! We stay up late watching mindless TV to numb ourselves!  We carry on. 
Love and miss you all-