Day 13 (or, milestones in the midst of the waiting...)

We're still here!  Still sticking close to home, or close to nature.  Missing: our friends, family, running buddies, choirs, sports, activities, running out to the store, going about life like we used to when we took it all for granted...  Getting kind of used to: sleeping in, getting the dishes done before 10pm, afternoon coffee,  time for random house projects, midday running, 4-hour-long "online  happy hours" with college friends... Everything continues to feel surreal and abstract.  Normal-not-normal.  The sun is rising and setting, the weather is it's usual March-changeable self,  the trees are starting to bud, the laundry piles up and there are meals to cook and cleaning to do and kids to entertain and the overall rythm of life feels rather... mundane.  With this buzzing undercurrent of dread as we wait for the virus to spread and hit closer and closer to home...

Meanwhile in the midst of chaos Jack and Ivy are continuing to grow up.   They are really handling everything remarkably well considering the fact that their lives have been upended and the date at which normal life may (possibly? ever?) resume keeps getting pushed back.  I am thankful for the resilience of youth. 

Ivy:
The girl's big news is that she taught herself to ride a bike.  Two days ago!  Just like that!  After literally years of trying, giving up in a spectacularly dramatic fashion, and refusing to try again for a long time...  She's been motivated to learn since falling in love with a teal cruiser bike at Target and as we never have been above bribery, we told her we might just get it for her once she learned to ride.  She fits on Jack's old bike (he seems to have taken over mine) so she decided she was ready to try while on our "long break with schoolwork" as she's calling this time... She and Nat had a somewhat successful practice session early last week, and two days ago she woke up motivated to try again.  Note to self, Amanda:  NEVER engage in a challenging activity of any kind before Ivy has eaten breakfast.  A spectacular, dramatic failure with sobbing and yelling ensued.   I informed my poor child that she was on her own and I didn't care one bit if she EVER rode a bike. 
And something in her must've clicked, and her tenacious streak took over because after lunch she let us know that she would be working on her balance in the driveway and she didn't need anyone with her.  An hour later she pedaled a circuit around the yard and a bike rider was born.

I'm grateful for this celebratory moment in her life, for the opportunity for a proud and joyful smile, because I think this situation has been htting my sensitive girl pretty hard. She's having a hard time getting to sleep and her emotions are so very close to the surface.  Tonight at tuck-in she kicked her legs and flopped about exclaiming, "I'm mad and I'm sad and I don't know why I'm any of those things!!" Poor honey.  It's a lot to handle, this uncertainty and the edge of fear and the isolation and so much change all at once...

Jack:
The boy, overall, has been our even-keel kiddo.  Surprising for the one we once described as "mercurial."  He's so thoroughly in his tween/teen self that expressing emotion seems to have been put aside for the time being.  At times he gets quiet and he's been pretty tired.   Not sure if he's not sleeping well or drained from all that supressed emotion or possibly just spending too much time on a screen in the basement. He's been having the spring break of his dreams these past few days, honestly. He's just as happy to not travel anywhere ever, and unlimited gaming with friends on the x-box is pretty much his life goal...  I think for Jack, he is able to keep a lot more normalcy as online interactions are already his preferred way to spend time with friends.   To his credit he's not been spending ALL of his time gaming.  He also continues to craft and make videos of his fingerboard shenanigans. This week:  tiny pallets made from popsicle sticks.

He's also, suddenly, becoming aware of his appearance and adolescence.  He's starting to notice some voice changes and makes a big deal about them.  And-- his milestone! -- at his request, Nat helped him shave his tiny bit of upper-lip-fuzz a few days ago!  And then today he asked for a pair of tweezers and got all shifty eyed when I inquired why he needed them, before saying he wanted to work on his eyebrows.  We had a quick lesson on eyebrow shaping rules, including the important advice to not over-tweeze, and off he went to "take care of his unibrow."   Who is this tall creature who lives in my house and who is suddenly concerned about his appearance??   What a time for him to hit puberty, while we're all on quarantine, together all day every day... We're trying to honor his burgeoning maturity and give him space to be alone and opportunities to control his destiny... it's  a learning process for me because I am really having a hard time adjusting to being "mother of a teen;"  I just see my baby boy when I look at him!  But he certainly does not want to be parented like a little boy any more...  When asked how he wants to manage online school next weeek, he thoughtfully told us that he'd like to have a 3-4 hour block in the morning to get as much work done as possible, so he could have an uninterrupted stretch of free time later.  He's confident he can get his week's work of work done on Monday.  Ok, kiddo, let's go for it!

This photo was taken when Jack realized he was wearing my jeans.  Because they were in his drawer.  Because my littles are bigger than me now and we can't tell our laundry apart.  Life is crazy.

The grown ups: 
No milestones here, just adjustment to our "new normal." We have been sinking more fully into our "social distance," limiting our runs to the store as the week has gone by, and trying to be better about sanitizing items that come into our home, as that seems to be the new thing to do.  Because I just don't do well when I'm not busy, so far this week I've reorganized both guest rooms, repainted the back porch and the downstairs bathroom trim, and I've got my eye on a color change for the upstairs bathroom, which is an extraodinarily low-priority project as we don't even use that bathroom but what else do I have to do??  I am still going out for runs and we are still taking the kids on walks (and bike rides!) without masks or anything.  I have to both trust and enjoy being outdoors for as long as we can... Everyone in the greater Cleveland area seems to be having that mindset though, as all of our parks have been WAYYYY more crowded than would normally be expected in March.  Today Nat and I went to Whiskey Island to see the extra-high water levels (made even higher by a completely unexpected torrential downpour right as we got there).  The weather cleared and the sun broke through and we thought we'd pop over and say hi to the beach... but Edgewater was SO crowded we thought we'd best just stay in the car and not add to the overall lack of social distancing that was going on.  This is my current fear, that people will continue to overcrowd our outdoor spaces and those will become restricted too.  I don't want to give up my running, or our family outings!  I don't know how we're going to make it til May if we can at least go exploring outside sometimes.  Also I am not sure we can make it til May without going grocery shopping.  Apples and salad makings seem to be our limiting factors right now.  But we are trying our best to follow the rules and stop this insanity-and keep our little family safe, too- while we wait for the return to normal life (whatever that may look like on the other side...)

Chin up, dear ones.  What milestones are happening in your homes, as we wait?

Day 9

Now that Ohio is officially on a "stay at home" order, what did the Morehouse crew do today?  Go adventuring, of course! (we are impossible, I know...) Yesterday, to our credit, we barely moved.  Went to pick up lunch at Boulevard and for a short run in the evening and I think that is the only time I left the house... 

Today, though!  The sun was out and the temperature was in the 50's and my Saggitarius soul needed to feel like it really IS spring break and GO somewhere.  So, we went on a Lighthouses of Lake Erie driving tour, and it was grand.  (I promise we were well behaved, and kept our social distance at each stop.)

It was just so fun to see new places!  We'd never been to ANY of the towns we visited and the vareity of architecture and historic downtowns with their differing amounts of "beachiness" was just as much fun as the lighthouses themselves.   If I squinted a little bit and looked past the overly-quiet streets and the somewhat nippy lake breezes, it almost felt like vacation-explorations in Charleston or Outer Banks or Michigan.  And considering that it is still technically the off- season, it wasn't that hard to ignore the quiet.  One does not expect a beach town in Ohio to be hopping on March 25.   We posed for selfies and climbed on rocks and read informative signs and olged pretty old houses just like we would in a world that had not gone mad, and it was delicious. 

Here are a few photo highlights and observations from our lakefront destinations.

 First stop:  Marblehead State Park.  An hour and a half due west and across Sandusky Bay to find this little treasure of a park.  We were utterly charmed by the bedrock  and the waves and the classic whitehouse shining against the blue blue sky...

 In these photos they are looking across the bay at Cedar Point and Jack is describing the coasters to Ivy....

 Next stop, after some detouring in a small summer RV park with a street called "Lighthouse Way" (thanks, Siri...) we finally found the Port Clinton lighthouse.  The kids found it to be summmarily disappointing but I thought it was charming.  It is, apparently, the oldest timber frame lighthouse in the State, and was moved from its point of service at the mouth of a river to this little lakefront park in 2001.

An unexpected surprise was the neighborhood of absolutely perfect turn of the century homes just across the street from the park....

 Next stop:  Vermillion!  Right outside the Maritime museum and across a bay from a freakishly adorable development of all-white cottages on little canals, down the street from the picturesque historic downtown, complete with tearoom and cute little shops.   While the lighthouse was less than impressive, Vermillion itself is going on the "let's come back in the summer" list...

 Finally, the Lorain lighthouse.  It appeared to be lovely but was completely inaccessible.  To get this view we had to pass not one but two "Do not enter" signs and wind our way down a gravel drive with fences all over, to get to the parking lot for the municipal boat ramp.  A bit anticlimactic, this one.

 But we did get to see this really creepy tree full of vultures on the way!

 And pose with a lighthouse on my head!

I'm grateful for my sweet family who indulged me today in this little outing.   Between the lake views, the historic houses, and the sense of exploration, I got to immerse myself in my favorite things and take my mind right off of reality.  Felt more like myself than I have in weeks.  Like I could really breathe, and laugh, and everything might turn out ok.

Hmmm.  Maybe I'll go on a lighthouse tour every day....?

Back home and hunkered down this evening, though, it still feels a bit like normal life, because we were gone for enough of the day that the housework piled up in our absence.  Phew.  We were getting WAY too on top of that laundry.  This is more like it.

Greetings from a Social Distance, Day 7

One week down.  Literally countless to go.  Could be 3 more weeks, 5 more weeks, 51 more weeks.... no one knows!  I am not certain, sitting here in this moment, how to manage any of that.

It's been a hard week.

Not in every way, of course.  Some parts have been easy and even... well, dare I say it?... pleasant.  Like getting to sleep in, every. single. day.  I'm rocking the 9:30 wakeup these days.  Plenty of time to go for runs, walk the dog.  Being home all day every day has allowed me to keep up with almost all of the basic cleaning, which is nice because I do enjoy a somewhat clean home.  (of course having EVERYONE home all day every day means a lot more cleaning than normal, too...).  We've even had moments of wholesome family bonding:  Wii golf has been a winner, and Nat and Jack have been crafting like crazy (most recent projects include finger guards for archery, wooden spoons, and a new staircase for Jack's fingerboard park), Ivy and I played with Calico Critters together in our newly organized basement...

That all looks so great, I'm rather ashamed of myself for complaining.  I mean, we are so lucky, really.  We are both getting paid.  We have each other and are not alone in this.  We have been able to stock up on food.  We are starting from a place of overall good health. We are all-- at this moment-- just fine.

So why am I so overwhelmed that I've spent all day snapping at my children?  What is it about this that I can't handle?

I'd like to blame the kids, with their constant arguing and all their daggone feelings.  But that's par for the course.  Ivy is certainly vibrating at a higher pitch these days (sobbing tantrum tonight over the face that her cheese was MELTED on her Chipotle bowl...) but I should be able to handle it as the grown up, meet their feelings with compassion and patience.

I just feel so... depleted. I have no reserves to give to anyone.  I think it is the constant anxiety.  The stream of never ending bad news.  The way each day brings more unthinkable changes, more restrictions, more uncertainty, more fear.  A week ago I posted on one of my groups that I wasn't really worried about my own family in all this, just mostly worried about the world at large and vulnerable populations.  Well, I am still worried about all that, but the last week has brought more and more news of younger and younger people getting very, very sick from this thing and so all of a sudden I am worried about my family too.  Terrified, actually.   A potentially fatal illness with a 2 week incubation period that can live on surfaces for weeks and be passed on by asymptomatic people is a real nightmare for a semi-hypochondriac... 

This fear is living in me, taking all my energy and positivity and turning it into muscle knots in my neck and jaw, and extreme impatience with the overall humanity of my family.

Today has just not been a winner of a day.  It's so cold and grey outside, and everyone is on edge, and Ivy has been whining all. day. long and Jack is generally jerky (it's like he's in 7th grade or something) and I have flown off the handle at them no less than 3 times.  A long run and a yoga session, while pleasant, have not solved anything.  I am currently self isolating in my office because my poor, sweet, overwhelmed and sad and probably scared children don't need my emotions making their lives harder. 

(While I've been sad to see our Airbnb income disappear, I have to say this was perfect timing for me to get my office back.  There's a bed to sit on, a tiny bit of floor space for yoga, a nice light, and all my favorite books and items on the shelves.  I really think I might just stay here for the duration.)

At least until tomorrow.  Which is a new day, and hopefully a better one.  At the very least there will be online lessons to plan and cleaning to keep up with and a family to feed and dog to walk and I know I do bettter if focus on "outer order" and doing the things... and maybe staying away from the news for a day, too.

Greetings from a Social Distance, Day 4

Morning.  Quiet home, with everyone- even the dog-still asleep.  Somehow the entire house smells like the warm spring rain falling outside, even when the windows are closed.  The hope for spring permeates everything.

I am holding on to that hope even though there's a part of me that thinks it will be March forever.  This whole experience just seems very March-ish to me.  The grey, changeable skies and brown vistas of March are appropo. But spring will come!  And life will go on in some form or another!  And things will continue to change, that much alone is certain.

Over the past 3 days  our US cases have risen to over 14,000, right on the exponential curve.  Around this beautiful, frustrating, freedom-loving country of ours so many people are not taking this seriously.  Photos of spring break parties on Florida beaches were astounding to me, sitting here on semi-house arrest. The governor of Florida has since started closing beaches but like all of this response, my gut feeling is that it's all too little, too late to stop this thing.  Even more frightening, they are now seeing many hospitalizations and even deaths among 30-60 year olds, not just the elderly as previously thought.  So all of a sudden staying home feels as much about protecting ourselves as looking out for the world.  Kind of want to seal ourselves in for a month but I am not sure we've got the food we need...

Looking back on my life just 2 weeks ago (!), I am struck by how BUSY I was.  I was aware of it at the time...  I was so overstretched that I was late for everything, dropping the ball a lot... making it work but barely.  Breathless.  No time to keep up with the basics of life AND all the events, rehearsals, meetings, and deadlines.

Now suddenly I have nothing but time.  Thank you universe for the reminder that we all need to slow down and breathe for a moment.  I could just do without the underlying threat of death for myself and everyone I love, you know? 

My baby sister was laid off without pay yesterday when her restaurant closed.  I've been thinking with abstract sympathy of all the workers at these places that are shutting down for safety's sake.  But suddenly it's a little more real- the economic fallout of this thing is going to be almost as terrifying as the health scare, I think.  Especially if, as a recent report has suggested, we have to be on lockdown for 18 months.  18 months!  I can't wrap my brain around that, sitting here at Day of home isolation and Week 2 of overwhelming-fear-and-anxiety-that-makes-my-chest-tight-all-the-time.

But here we are.  At Day 4 and week 2 whether we like it or not.  The only way out is through, people.  So I will get up and make a daily schedule for our attempt at homeschool.  It's going to involve making art and a read aloud today, I think.  I'm going to get a couple more progress reports written because deadlines haven't gone away.  I'm going to Zoom with my friends later and try to embrace this brave new world and find joy where I can.  There are robins hopping about in our wet grass right now and they aren't worried at all. Trying to take a cue from them.

Greetings from a Social Distance, Day 1

I've decided to chronicle our experience with the Covid-19 pandemic here on the blog.  I'm sure I'll have some photo posts to mix in but not like usual because as of late my posts have been a log of the places we go and the events we attend.  And there will be none of that for the forseeable future.

It's been quite a week.

One week ago we were driving home from a lovely mini-vacay in NY when we saw the reports of the first confirmed Ohio cases of Covid-19.  Things have happened fast since then.  It feels like every few hours there's another pivot, another change to our normal lives.   One week ago it really seemed like maybe this crazy disease we'd be hearing about might have a few little flare ups but then disappear, like things usually do...  But this was not the case.

Here's a recap of the week so far:

Monday-- first cases reported.  Turns out one is right in Cleveland Heights and another was exposed to two SHS students who were then put on home isolation.  Other than that life continued as normal, with a high prevalence of hand-washing memes.

Tuesday-- lots of news from Italy where the disease is exploding and normal life is shutting down.  Made a point of enjoying my WSC rehearsal because as I looked around at all the older adults in our choir I realized maybe we shouldn't be singing near one another... As more news emerges, people begin buying up large quantities of hand sanitizer, bleach and of all things, toilet paper.

Wednesday-- WSC rehearsals, concert and benefit cancelled.   Colleges and universities ordered to switch to online learning for at least 3 weeks.  Students sent home. Rumours afoot of cancelling K-12 schools.  Think to myself, that's crazy, but decide to accelerate my schedule of end--of-quarter tests and Alternate Assessments.  Work through all my plan periods to make this happen.  And stop at Trader Joe's to buy up some things on my way home.  Gut feelings, you know?  Suggest to Nat we make a Costco run.  But not go overboard like all those crazy people are doing...

Thursday-- There is talk during the day of preparing and training for online instruction.  We continue to press hard to finish tests and keep up with teaching.

Thursday, 2:30pm-- Governor DeWine cancels K-12 school beginning 3/16 for 3 weeks.  What??  We are reeling. By 4:00 when I stop at Trader Joe's the shelves have been emptied of all pantry foods.  The news from Italy continues to be worse and worse.   A 7% mortality rate and not enough ventilators to save everyone.  Yet, that's Italy.  Not here. Everywhere there is talk of "social distance" but we think, meh, we can still get together with our friends who are healthy, and go places to hang out...Ivy and I head to the library to stock up on books, though, just in case.  We come home with 20 novels between the two of us.

Thursday evening- Friday-- the closures roll in.  Art Museum, Lake Farmpark, the library system...

Friday-- we meet to discuss how to provide services from a distance while schools are closed.  We scramble to finish work and move the close of 3rd quarter to Monday.  We plan lessons.  I was able to get my home instruction folders home with almost all of my students by the end of the day. At this point we were still under the impression that we would be teaching one more day on Monday.

Saturday-- Gatherings over 100 are prohibited. We break isolation to meet the new pastor at church, where chairs were separated 5 feet and one person opened the door and everyone was just a little strained. We broke isolation again to go see Melinda and Will, where the adults proceeded to scroll through Facebook for updates for most of the time we were together.   The underlying awareness that this was probably the last time we'd see each other for a while made it hard to be truly present.

Sunday-- One more gathering-- a socially distant church service.  Pretty sure that this will be the last one for a while.  Tried to enjoy it all.  Beautiful sunshine, time for a run and playing outside--- a wonderful joyful normal day except....
Bars and restaurants are ordered to close by 9pm that night. At 7:00 we receive an email that school is cancelled for Monday and staff only are to report to finish preparing for online instruction.
Stayed up late working on a "school day schedule" for Jack and Ivy while they are home.

Today-- surreal morning of normal work and small talk with staff as though it was just a professional day.  Brought home my candy and disinfecting wipes and some games and workbooks for our kids and allll the paperwork to keep instruction going as by noon the word on the street is that schools may be closed for at least 8 weeks...  Spent ALL the money on the way home buying up pantry foods and pet supplies.  Got home midday to help the kids through their first afternoon on our schedule.  So many big feelings in our house.  Anxiety from the adults doesn't help.  Nat and I noted we go through a major transition every time we are off school for a break... but this is way more than our normal "We need to get used to one another."  Most summer breaks don't start with the fear of a potentially deadly disease lurking on literally every surface, and EVERY activity and cultural institution made unavailable. Today brought closures to movie theaters, gyms, and water parks/ play places, and recommendations to not gather in groups larger than 10.

Thank heavens for springlike weather and archery.  Being outdoors may be the only thing to save us!  Reports from the field after Day 1 off school include descriptions of abject refusal to get off of phones, temper tantrums because the chocolate chip cookies were the small ones,  and great kicking and flailing when a cornbag was not the correct temperature.   The struggle is real.  But mixed in to the day was the chance to eat two meals together,  read a book for a while and enjoy a sunshiny afternoon with a family walk to clean up trash and throw the ball for the dog in our local park.  We opted to not let Ivy touch the playground, which caused some more feelings... but we still enjoyed ourselves a lot, and watched several families peacefully enjoying the park too, walking littles on bikes and practicing lacrosse.  In "normal" times we would not have been outdoors together on this perfect Monday afternoon.  Maybe there will be silver linings to this shut-down of America.  If we can get a handle on this virus before it kills all of our grandparents, that is.

More tomorrow!  I'm not sure how much I'll have to report but I will be trying to keep a log of the events in this new, crazy world.

Back to my regularly scheduled programming of obsessively scrolling Facebook and planning my next list of items to stock up on.   Be safe and well and STAY HOME, dear ones.

Into Spring

 Writing today from New York, on a three day trip for Claire's brithday, where we've been greeted by all the signs of spring:  blooming snowdrops, brilliant sunshine on Cayuga Lake, springing our clocks foward, and a sick kiddo in the night last night... you have to take the bad with the good, I guess.

A recap of the rest of real winter-time, as we round the corner into Spring... 

 A mid-February trip to Snow Trails, where the current 3 skiers in the family had a wonderful day on the slopes.  Just the sweetest little ski area!  Particularly enjoyable when virtually free (thanks, Bec, for the gift card!)

 Mid February sunshine and ice at the lake...

 ... and more sunshine for my first spring long run, 10 miles around Edgewater...

 Orchid Mania on its last weekend (and a whole day with our friend, too!)

 School events abounding! 
Wax Museum and Soul Food Cafe at Boulevard -- Super well-attended this year!

 The first annual "Sound Bites" middle school band celebration.  Went off without a hitch and was super fun to watch these young people show off in small ensembles.

 Boulevard provided the window art at Appletree Books this month!

 A gathering with my Community of Hope friends-- and weekly rehearsals with the Hope choir, which has been a wonderfully fun growing experience for me, learning to sing gospel music for the first time.  Baby Empress is 13 months old and walking!

 More ice and sunshine at the Lake... an extraordinary sunset and extraordinarily cold!

And, our spring-like days in upstate NY. We're not usually here this time of year and it's been neat to see our favorite spots lit with yellow-March sunshine and no leaves on the trees to mar the view...

We've celebrated Claire's birthday with a family brunch at the Inn, cake, pizza, a high school musical, singing at church, shooting bee-bee guns, playing chess, a hike at Toughannock, and a visit to Farley's in the off season.