Much change behind us, too. I'll not spend long apologizing or making excuses for my blog-silence these past months. My mind and heart and time have been occupied with the business of living, of balancing old and new, shifting roles and time and houses. I still don't feel fully settled.
The change on the horizon is that Baby Jack, the very baby who provided the inspiration for this blog 17 years ago, is going to graduate from high school in just over 2 weeks. I want to be able to reflect and remember these next few weeks and months of transformation for my baby boy, to be present for him and soak up these experiences.
So here I am to play a bit of catch up, clear my mind and the writing slate. Settle myself with words and then focus on being the mom of this baby boy of mine, as he and I both forge into new definitions of ourselves.
Recap from where we left off:
Just after our wonderful bachelorette weekend, Holly started having abdominal and back pain. Within a week she'd been to the doctor, been diagnosed with gallstones, went to the emergency room for the pain, got admitted to the hospital, got sent home, finally got into surgery (which lasted 5 hours instead of the projected one), and went home to recover just over a day before our planned wedding ceremony. It was. Not the best of weeks. It's so scary to see the person you love in so much pain and not be able to help, to try to advocate for them and be rebuffed by doctors, to wait for hours while they are in surgery...
But, we made it! And the wedding ceremony went on as planned, thanks to the wonders of modern pain drugs. It was a wonderful day of togetherness with people we love, and went off without a hitch, with a lot of help from our friends. Will not overwhelm this post with pictures... come over and look at our album sometime.
I moved in full time with Holly at our lake house at the end of the month. It's been a long year of back-and-forthing for me, with weekly stress and emotional roller coasters taking a toll on Holly and I both. It's good to be home, to wake up every day with my beautiful wife, to work on our house and yard and gather with friends and build what is truly quite a beautiful life. It's also been hard, to be away from the kids for much of the week, to transition away from the people and places I'd been settled into in my Cleveland Heights life. The kids are staying full time with their dad, and its our plan that they not have to move at all. We've also been trying to spare them all the back and forthing that wore me down so much, so right now I spend time with them there at the house on Superior, or on outings, and that's pretty much it. In some ways it shouldn't be a big deal, right, because they're at that age where they weren't spending very much time with me when I lived with them. But I miss the little interactions, and I miss caring for them on a daily basis in the ways they did let me- cooking or cleaning or shopping for them, pestering them about their day. I feel like I am losing some sort of competition for their love and dependency, that it is all going to their dad because he is the one who is there for them day to day now. I find myself falling into nostalgia for when they were little, when they needed me and I took them places and picked out their clothes... even though those days have been long gone for a while, long before this current transition. But somehow it is all wrapped up together. Change is just... tricky, right? I know that we will shift our relationship and forge a new shape for it, the kids and I. I think that they know how much I love them. They are safe and provided for and they are building resilience through this. That's what I am holding on to these days.
Life outside of these transitions has been steady and good. Did some skiing with the kids in March, started renovating my new backyard in April. The kids have been excelling at school and keep busy with riding, reading and art (Ivy) and friends and girlfriend (Jack). Work is great- I love my job, colleagues and students. Holly and I have lucked into some really magnificent friendships, and I am soaking up the opportunity to bring even more magical people into my life. We continue to sing with Windsong and COC and May concert season is ramping up. I get to walk the dogs to the lake regularly and snuggle in with my wife for movies on the couch and we are planning lots of travel for summer.
So I am doing my best to settle in to this middle place between old and new, and revel in the beautiful parts and breathe through the hard ones... In other words, just over here living life.
(And- being grateful to have all of you as a part of it, dear readers. Can't express how meaningful it is, to have so many friends who have stuck by me and embraced my changing life in a very real way. I do not take any of you for granted.)
Here's a photo recap of the past 3 months...
Wedding! I was thrilled that the kiddos participated.
Valentine's Day...
Jack came in third in the 100 Breast at Districts and missed States by less than one second. A disappointment for sure but still a great day to cap off his senior year swim season.
Alice turned one! We gave her a brain-developing toy in the hopes that this next year of her life brings a few more brain cells. She just started obedience class and is actually doing pretty well.
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