These kids

We are flying through December in a blur of concerts and shopping and buying houses and making photo books and caring for all the things... But right now, in this moment, 11 days til Christmas, I'm going to take a pause in all of it and just talk about these kids for a minute. 

I don't know if you've noticed, but I've been a bit... busy this fall.  I've been reveling a bit in all the "me time," I think.  The freedom to go out, to pile on volunteer activities, safe in the knowledge that these kids are getting to be pretty self sufficient.  Most of the time these days, in fact, they not only don't need me around but also don't really *want me around.  Given their druthers, they want to be in their rooms or with their friends- which is spot on for their developmental stage after all.  And so off I went, immersing myself in new hobbies, new friendships, hustling here and there, passing my kids like ships in the night. I've had a lot of fun... and I've also missed these babies.

I've been struggling recently with how very, irrevocably grown up my little ones have become.  How a decade is gone in a blink.  How I miss their tiny hands and toddler-soft hair.  How I miss the way they needed me so deeply-- even as I live a life based on their independence.  I think I've been so caught up in missing the children they used to be- that I've forgotten to appreciate the young adults they are becoming. 

Tonight was a good night to remember. 

A night off from rehearsals- or any other committments-- meant I got to stay home and act like a mom for a minute.  I made cookie dough and cooked dinner and walked the dog and tidied. Then Ivy and I headed to Roxboro for her winter band concert, where I embarassed her terribly in the parking lot by rigging up Christmas lights inside my car and then had the dubious honor of chaperoning the 7th grade band for 45 minutes before they went on stage (let's just say that I realized I've not missed the special joy of attempting to corral large groups of adolescents)... and the actual honor of driving her home after, all chatty about the missing row of seats and challenges of sharing a music stand.  And a private concert at home in the living room and a conversation about music theory and just... time together.  And now we're back chilling in front of a Christmas movie with cats on our laps and even though she glares at me a lot and doesn't like for me to hug her or speak to her in front of her friends... I LIKE this kid.

And then I got to pick up the tall boy from his swim meet.  In which he won all of his races and PR'd in the 100 Free and wanted to chat away on the way home, all giddy with excitment from the night and looking ahead to the Viking Invitational on Saturday, planning out his practice time between now and then.  As I type he's pattering away with Nat about times and tech suits and the best way to deal with sore muscles, and he just finished his APUSH homework and he's getting college mail from the likes of Georgetown thanks to a 1260 on his PSAT and I LIKE this kid too. 

So proud of these babies of mine.  These young people they are becoming.  So grateful for these years stored up in my heart.