Abiding

The first week of school has come and gone. Remarkably smooth so far.  A splendid  summer-sunshine weekend after, picture perfect time with friends in our beautiful city.

 I'm still working on coming up for air.

I've been reticent to add to the blog, you see, because the person I have been writing for these past eight years, will not be reading it any more.  I used to like to think that I was writing this blog as an archive for my children to enjoy in the future.  But really, I wrote for my dad.  He was so crazy about his grandchildren, it was hard to believe.  The once-curmudgeon turned into a big ol' softie around these little ones, and followed their progress from afar with intense dedication.  It got me off my duff and writing each week, to know that he was going to be checking for updates.  I felt, with my production of these grandchildren and subsequent blogging about them, that I was earning my dad's approval in a more real way than I ever had before.  Good inspiration for more writing, indeed.

I am not sure what to do now.  

Keep writing,  I suppose.  Keep writing for him. 

 He was never effusive with praise or responses; the knowledge that he was reading, appreciating, thinking of me and my family-- that was always enough.  We didn't have to talk often.  I knew he was there, off in the West, golfing and hunting and singing and carrying me in his heart, and his guidance and influence were there in me.  And so we carried on.  

You think you have all the time in the world.  You think that they'll be there, your parents, always abiding with you.  You take them for granted, you put things off, you feel frustrated and ungrateful sometimes.  Even when you know time is short, you forget to really appreciate them.  You get too busy with the day-to-day to put a rush order on taking an oral history, singing more arias, writing that book. And then suddenly, time is up.  

And you're not sure what to do.

Keep writing, I suppose. 

More later.

For now, pictures of kites and bunnies and children, and the words to a hymn that is resonating with me right now.   

 Thou on my head in early youth didst smile;

And though rebellious and perverse meanwhile,
Thou hast not left me, oft as I left Thee,
On to the close, O Lord, abide with me!

I need Thy presence every passing hour.
What but Thy grace can foil the tempter’s power?
Who like Thyself my guide and stay can be?
Through cloud and sunshine, O abide with me!

I fear no foe with Thee at hand to bless:
Ills have no weight, and tears no bitterness.
Where is death’s sting? Where, grave, thy victory?
I triumph still, if Thou abide with me.