Um. Wasn't it just August?
The start of this school year is hitting me hard, you guys. This September has been a blur in a way that I've not felt since the year Jack was born. Thankfully the sleep deprivation this year is not so bad, and there's no colicky baby to bounce-- but somehow time is moving in the same way. Carefully measuired yet slipping by like water.
For the most part, the busyness this fall is made up of things I have chosen to do. I am the one who willingly signed up -- volunteered even-- to sing in two choirs and take a demanding course in something I've never really studied before, all while working full time and parenting. I went into this with my eyes wide open. I carefully aligned concert dates and test dates and plugged everything into my calendar and on paper it all works like butter.
In reality, though. Six hours a week (9-10 with drive time) at Brandywine for ski patrol training is a LOT. So are the 100+ pages of reading and quizzes each week. So are double rehearsal weeks for COC on top of WSC and we aren't even into concert weeks yet. So is the repertoire we are singing for Chorus, and the fact that I was asked to sing in the Chamber choir (which means I get to learn twice as much of the Adams, all crazy-time-signature-and-nonsensical-note progressions and it is SO hard for me).
Add to this- the hardest start to a teaching year that I can remember, perhaps since my days teaching a self-contained classroom as a beginning teacher in Shaker Heights. I adore my second grade babies, they are made of light and exuberance-- and just so many needs. Across our whole building, really. It's like we are only right now seeing the delayed ramifications of the trauma these babies have gone through over the past two years. Two years that are such a huge percentage of their young lives. These kiddos don't really know what "normal" school means- and yet we are expecting them to jump into a "norma" year with normal pacing and expectaions. And there are so many littles with these needs in just second grade! And only one of me and only so many hours in the school day and each day I come home feeling like I have failed to meet the needs of any of them particularly well. As well as feeling just plain tired from getting up at 5:30 and running straight through the day. I am getting through by telling myself that the start of the year is always hard (but is it this hard?) and by leaning on and enjoyig the company of my coworkers, who are the most gifted of teachers and also the most kind and funny and caring of people.
(Blessings abound, even if I am very very tired.)
But let's be honest here. The real reason I am so tired is not fully because of the above-listed obligations. Its because I always want to have my cake and eat it too. I need to work ( and I do enjoy it, I do, on those rare moments that I get to actually focus on teaching a kiddo to read, for instance). To honor the committments I've made this year, I need to learn new music and rehearse it to perfection with my choirs, and I need to challenge myself to try new things on the ski patrol. And I need to clean my house and manage the Airbnb, and cook good food to feed myself and my family, any pay the bills and coordinate schedules. But I also WANT to go out for drinks with my friends and go to the lake and go to festivals and play with my new kayak and enjoy coffee on the porch and care for my garden and laugh with my husband. I want to write poetry and walk my dog and snuggle cats and watch my kids at their matches and meets, and take Ivy riding and run and go to yoga. And trying to fit it all in leaves me breathless.
Burning the candle at both ends is always my style. This year I feel like I am also cutting out the wax in the middle, in some sort of desperate attempt to make a new candle or something. I am not sure that it is particularly sustainable, this inferno of a life. But I am not willing to let any part of it go. One of my favorite quotes is by Jack London:
“I would rather be ashes than dust!
I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot.
I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet.
The function of man is to live, not to exist.
I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them.
I shall use my time.”
I feel like this fall I am living these words more than I ever have before.
Photos of this meteor-fast month, from the rare times when I've stopped to breathe long enough to see the sunshine and capture a moment as it flies by:
Starting with Labor Day weekend. The gift of a visit from Becca.
Plus beautiful weather and liesure time for pergola drinks and talking up late together. <3
And a little girl who loves to bake means fresh (and delicious!) monkey break right when you need it!
The next day Bec and mom and I went to Courtney's wedding.
This little tomboy is all grown up! And she and her honey threw a great party to celebrate.
We even got to show Bec around our friend's barn on Sunday, where she fell in love with Goose (like the rest of us)...
This face right here is why I drive out to Chardon every weekend to give this girl horse time. Anything to see her light up.
Then after you ride in the rain why not got to the fair in the rain too!
And then to a cookout in the continued rain? (when it rains on labor day weekend you just do your plans anyways...!)
Monday off with sis in town = Bloody Mary brunch with the millenials!
And when the Air Show is rained out and you can't watch it for free from the lakefront, you just close down E-55th St marina for the season. In the rain.
(it was a great three day weekend, actually, despite all the rain)
Look! I grew dahlias!
And discovered that the Rexwood apartment is a wonderful little escape when you have a lot of work to catch up on. Silver lining of lots of short term bookings this month...
Sometimes right after school, when its been a doozy of a day, you go and drink at the park with your dog.
And sometimes you take advantage of a a little free time before curriculum night to have a little solo picnic at the park...
... and then buy a kayak!
And then take it to LaDue resevoir after school the next day. Twenty some years of driving over this body of water on the way to Hiram and I finally stopped at it...
... and kayaked out on it...
... and drank some hard selzter and sang Indigo Girls loudly and got a little sunburn in September because I stayed out for 3 hours. It was love at first paddle between me and this little blue boat...
That Saturday was our first morning ski patrol, followed immediately by a CPR-class-for-two, which our instructor kindly rescheduled for Nat and I from a Monday that I couldn't be there. I am grateful to the world at large for these moments of flexibility that let me fit it all in. Didn't get back to our children til about 2:30 but still managed to get it some time at Chalk Fest. Ivy was nursing a cold and did not get into her art as much as most years, and Jack (as he does with anything that is not golf these days) opted to stay at home. But we did have the brainstorm of bringing a table and chairs and adult beverages this year, which just topped off the perfect weather and made it all feel very fancy.
Wonder where I got the inspiration for this year's art??
Sunday morning brought torrential rain and the possible cancellation of all of our plans for the day, which has previously included Woofstock and a trail ride with Mallory and maybe even the lake, because give me one good sunny Saturday in September and I decide it will be like that evermore.
After a rainy hour at church the skies had lightened enough that we decided to hit up Woofstock after all. It was a delight as always, complete with a beer truck this year. Win had a blast in the little agility ring and made me wonder for a brief moment about doing agility classes again before I laughed at myself and said, not before teleportation exists, Amanda!
After we had a blast petting all the fabulous dogs, we decided to go riding after all-- or at least hang out in the nice dry barn. The girls got to love on Starlite, who'd had to get stiches on her leg the week before. And they learned to use a lunge line with Jenny. And they smiled a lot and I got to chat with a friend and it was a great decision to go. Even if it made it a little hectic to meet my chorus friends for an Adams practice night that evening. (Which was also worth the drive. My new chorus friends are a delight, so funny and kind and several are very well versed in music theory and helped me figure out how to count a few particulalry tricky parts of this piece.
The school week included several tennis matches for Ivy, a bit of lake time before WSC rehearsal, and a big haircut for my girl, who reduced her lion mane by at least half (and wants to go shorter still).
She's also transitioned to the TUBA in band! She's so excited. This is her *small* one to use at home. The full size instrument is so big she can barely fit her arms around it ( and also costs $2400 so it stays at school!)
In other news- I have grown my first giant dahlia! It's gorgeous. For size reference its a hand-length in diameter.
Thursday is the new Friday for sure when its 77 degrees of perfection out and you have a kayak. Inaugural voyage on Lake Erie-- paddled up Euclid creek then around the pier to meet Nat and Win on the beach. This could be habit forming.
Friday is the REAL Friday when your work bestie wants to meet up for IPAs...
And then you see all the people you know at the Homecoming game. (Which Jack attended with his friends! And didn't even leave at halftime with us! He's growing up for sure...)
Saturday was a marathon of a day, full of good things but away from home from 7:30am until about midnight! It's a good thing those kids can fend for themselves...
Ski Patrol to start- our first time doing on-hill scenarios and they weren't too bad. Like most things, this is really getting easier with practice...
Then, in a last minute decision, we decided to head directly to Columbus, when we realized that we'd be 45 minutes ahead on the 2.5 hour drive if we just left from Brandywine.
Saving time like that allowed us to stop at Ikea for a $150 lunch. :)
Then on to Pickerington for the beautiful wedding of Lauren and Logan.
This was the first family wedding for us in many years and it did not disappoint. Beautiful, touching ceremony- these two gorgeous kids are so very much in love. And so great to spend time with my Strasburg cousins.
Believe it or not this was the first time Diana and I have gotten to enjoy drinking together. Rather like my kayak, it may be habit forming. I love this woman all the time, and she's even better after a few cocktails together.
Sundays are for riding-- and this week the weather was our friend. Off on a trail ride-- compelte with getting this momma up on a horse for the first time in a LOOOONG time.
The girls went off on a ride through the woods on their own and I had a wonderful time chatting with my friend and enjoying the views at Observatory Park.
September, you are so full of goodness. Can you please just slow down a little?
